Well, this is my first post on my first personal blog. YAY me! But this isn't about me right now...it's about my little boy...my little man....my little sweetheart.
Max starts kindergarten in just a few days. I'm so excited for him. I can't believe he's that old. I can't believe 5 years have already gone by. I'm so afraid he'll be scared or nervous or cry on that first day when his daddy walks out that classroom door. I'm already emotional enough....ready to POP out baby #3 and my hormones are wreaking havoc.
Well, as the first day approaches my nervousness is growing. I am scared about the usual things a mom would be nervous about, but mainly it causes me to reflect on Max and all he's been through and continues to go through. No matter what his daddy and I do to try to help him, our little boy suffers almost daily in his life. Can you imagine being itchy all over your body ALL OF THE TIME?!?! I can't even stand if a stinkin' mosquito happens to bite my big toe. The itching drives me bananas. I gripe and complain and whine about that one little bump. Max feels like that over his entire body alot of the time. What would you do if that was you? Well, Max does nothing or complains....he just scratches. Sometimes blood will be oozing down his arm, all focus and concentration set upon getting that one hotspot that's driving him bonkers. Cousins get "annoyed" with him when he's constantly scratching (they can't/don't understand that he can't help it). People look at him when we're out in public and constantly make comments to me in front of him......"Does he have chicken pox?" "What's wrong with your boy?" "Does he have poison ivy?"
The other day in Target, when his skin was especially bad, at least 4 people made comments (I know they weren't trying to be rude) to me in front of Max while we were shopping for his school supplies. Finally, after the 3rd comment, he just hung his head down, quietly looking down at the floor. He says nothing to me. I say nothing to him. I can tell he's bothered by being "different". "What's wrong, buddy?" I finally ask him. "Nothing, Mommy," he answers back. Tears build up in my eyes (remember, I said I was a hormonal wreck), but we move on with our shopping, just like Max moves on with life, day after day, hour after hour.
This scratchy, itchy, irritated life is all he's EVER known.....been like that since he was born.....has just gotten worse as he's gotten older. He knows no differently, which I think is a blessing. He has no comparison to this irritation he always feels. But still, I've heard him praying, "God, please make my skin go away." OR he asks why God gave him eczema....why no one else has it. He's not complaining, he just really is curious as to why. I wish I knew 'why'. I wish I knew how to take it away, but I don't.
He's a tough boy, my handsome little man is. I admire him so much. When I start to complain about feeling bloated or HUGE or having swollen feet, I feel so pitiful, because I think of my little boy and all that he goes through and we never hear him complain. And despite what he feels physically, he is the most loving, thoughtful, compassionate child I have ever known. He tells me I'm the "most beautifullest mommy ever," and gives his baby sister kisses through my belly every day. He even looks at his big sister and declares, "Sissy, you're so pretty. I love you." (Sadly, this usually falls on deaf "I'm-too-cool-for-my-little-brother" ears, although I can tell that secretly she enjoys the adoration and attention from her little bro.) Max's heart is so full of love!
So here's my prayer for Max: that God can heal him, can bring him physical peace, that no one at school will judge him because his skin looks different, that all of his future little kindergarten friends can look past the red, rashy skin, and see those beautiful, cheerfully squinting, sparkly blue eyes, and see that adorable grin, and see the wonderful heart that my boy has inside of his soul.
Max starts kindergarten in just a few days. I'm so excited for him. I can't believe he's that old. I can't believe 5 years have already gone by. I'm so afraid he'll be scared or nervous or cry on that first day when his daddy walks out that classroom door. I'm already emotional enough....ready to POP out baby #3 and my hormones are wreaking havoc.
Well, as the first day approaches my nervousness is growing. I am scared about the usual things a mom would be nervous about, but mainly it causes me to reflect on Max and all he's been through and continues to go through. No matter what his daddy and I do to try to help him, our little boy suffers almost daily in his life. Can you imagine being itchy all over your body ALL OF THE TIME?!?! I can't even stand if a stinkin' mosquito happens to bite my big toe. The itching drives me bananas. I gripe and complain and whine about that one little bump. Max feels like that over his entire body alot of the time. What would you do if that was you? Well, Max does nothing or complains....he just scratches. Sometimes blood will be oozing down his arm, all focus and concentration set upon getting that one hotspot that's driving him bonkers. Cousins get "annoyed" with him when he's constantly scratching (they can't/don't understand that he can't help it). People look at him when we're out in public and constantly make comments to me in front of him......"Does he have chicken pox?" "What's wrong with your boy?" "Does he have poison ivy?"
The other day in Target, when his skin was especially bad, at least 4 people made comments (I know they weren't trying to be rude) to me in front of Max while we were shopping for his school supplies. Finally, after the 3rd comment, he just hung his head down, quietly looking down at the floor. He says nothing to me. I say nothing to him. I can tell he's bothered by being "different". "What's wrong, buddy?" I finally ask him. "Nothing, Mommy," he answers back. Tears build up in my eyes (remember, I said I was a hormonal wreck), but we move on with our shopping, just like Max moves on with life, day after day, hour after hour.
This scratchy, itchy, irritated life is all he's EVER known.....been like that since he was born.....has just gotten worse as he's gotten older. He knows no differently, which I think is a blessing. He has no comparison to this irritation he always feels. But still, I've heard him praying, "God, please make my skin go away." OR he asks why God gave him eczema....why no one else has it. He's not complaining, he just really is curious as to why. I wish I knew 'why'. I wish I knew how to take it away, but I don't.
He's a tough boy, my handsome little man is. I admire him so much. When I start to complain about feeling bloated or HUGE or having swollen feet, I feel so pitiful, because I think of my little boy and all that he goes through and we never hear him complain. And despite what he feels physically, he is the most loving, thoughtful, compassionate child I have ever known. He tells me I'm the "most beautifullest mommy ever," and gives his baby sister kisses through my belly every day. He even looks at his big sister and declares, "Sissy, you're so pretty. I love you." (Sadly, this usually falls on deaf "I'm-too-cool-for-my-little-brother" ears, although I can tell that secretly she enjoys the adoration and attention from her little bro.) Max's heart is so full of love!
So here's my prayer for Max: that God can heal him, can bring him physical peace, that no one at school will judge him because his skin looks different, that all of his future little kindergarten friends can look past the red, rashy skin, and see those beautiful, cheerfully squinting, sparkly blue eyes, and see that adorable grin, and see the wonderful heart that my boy has inside of his soul.
4 comments:
My prayer is that our two will build a special friendship right away! I hope that K is sweet to Max. I am so happy they are going to be in the same class.
He has such a great personality and vivid imagination that he will dazzle all the other children and have the greatest Kindergarten experience ever!!!!
Awww! I love little Max...he does have the sweetest spirit! I have never thought about how hard it must be for him; his sweet prayers made me want to cry! I think that he will have such a wonderful time in Kindergarten. Even if kids do ask about his skin, I bet it is just out of curiosity and not mean-spirited. It is surprising how blunt kids are but also how accepting they are as well. I really think that he will not be singled out or ridiculed, but instead be the kid that is surrounded my new friends. Max is impossible to resist and he is so social and fun!!!
I love you and need you back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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